Imagine, if you will, a summer evening service at a small, Southern Baptist, country church. The sun shone gold through the westward-facing, rectangular, colored glass panes of the church windows. The air conditioning was working hard to keep up with the southern Louisiana heat and humidity. I was sitting with friends of my family, I think, listening to the sermon. At the end, when the pastor gave the altar call, he asked if there was anyone who wanted to be saved, encouraged them to step forward, and asked them to come pray with him. I surprised everyone, I think, but I stepped up and prayed that prayer.

Dear Lord,

I know I’m a sinner. I’ve done some awful things in my life.

I believe You died on the cross to wash away my sins.

Please forgive me.

Please help me live the way You want me to live.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

I was in fourth grade, or getting ready to go into fourth grade. Young, yes, but I knew right then God was calling me. I felt Him nearby everywhere I went. I still do because I see His hand in every part of creation.

I’d always felt like an outsider before, but after making this decision, I really felt like a misfit. I was fanciful as a child, with a good imagination, but there was still something -- some kind of wall -- between me and the other kids I knew, like it was impossible to really connect with them. This got worse as I got into my teenage years, as you might expect. Those are rough years for anyone. It was a good thing I had my Savior to lean on and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I would not be here now if it wasn’t for Him. I never had an easy time making friends, and in 9th grade, I changed schools. I had to make new friends and most of them were Catholic. I loved them, still do, but it was difficult to really connect with that difference in the spiritual doctrine hovering between us. In the middle of that year, I asked my mom to get me out of that school and help me find another one because I felt smothered. But I think back on my time there and I do smile. It was an experience I’m glad I was able to have.

I was able to move to a new school the following year. It was no easier to make friends and the one friend I made before the school year started, turned out to be a malicious person. The one good friend I made during that year hated me and ignored me after I asked (and was rejected by) a friend of mine, who she happened to have a crush on at the time, to attend a banquet with me at my church. I only asked him because I was pushed to do it by a teacher I respected. I would’ve gone alone like I usually did. No one paired off at those events anyway. But that was a serious blow to my confidence. At that point, I just didn’t really try to befriend anyone. My faith was growing, though, and rather than take my life (the thoughts were fleeting but they were there), I stuck it out.

School had always been a drag, though I did well enough in my studies. But church and the youth group were my salvation when it came to socializing. I lived for those moments in Sunday School and Discipleship Training and youth events. I was part of the cool kids for a little while and it was pretty heady stuff. Not only did I get to sing with our youth group at church, I got to sing in the choir and the specialty concert choir at school. In doing the latter, I finally made a few friends. Some of them, I still connect with today. It was in those moments -- chapel, Bible study, youth events -- where God was really working on me and convincing me of the certainty of His presence. I still had moments where I knew I was a misfit and an outsider in all those places, but I got to participate in so many things, it wasn’t such a big deal.

It was also during my teenage years that I started to doubt my conversion. Some faiths believe you can lose your salvation, but that never made any kind of sense to me. I believe if you have felt the Savior’s presence and heard His call, there’s no going back. You either respond with a willing heart and mind, or you reject Him utterly. Your life, the decisions you make from that point on will show whether or not your conversion was true. The Bible even says that in Matthew 7:16-18:

I started wondering whether my fruit was good or bad, whether I was right with God for real. I recommitted my life twice over the three years I spent at the prep school. One teacher helped me see clearly that my conversion as a young child was a true conversion, that the moment I heard God’s call and responded was the moment I surrendered my whole life over to Him and His leadership. I didn’t need to be baptised again. I just needed to be sure I was staying connected to Him in prayer, Bible study, and following His commands.